We would like to experience loving and thriving relationships in our lives, but there are differences which become never ending. This is why we feel stuck in our relationships.
Though consciously we know that differences with our partners need to be celebrated, yet we find it difficult to have a thriving relationship. In some cases, we move on from one partner to another, still the void of being loved seems to be omnipresent.
We begin asking ourselves what is lacking within us for not being able to attract the relationship of our dreams? What are the reasons for not being able to have a compassionate partner?
In my experience with several clients, there are numerous reasons for it. But I found the systemic entanglements to be a major contributor for having unloved relationships. I am sharing herewith a few reasons:
1. Repeating the failed relationship of the parents:
When we are loyal to our parents, unconsciously we take up their patterns of failed relationships as well. If the relationship of your parents was a failed one, then chances are you’ll repeat this pattern in your life too. This is not a conscious choice you are making, rather it is an unconscious one.
We want to feel the belongingness to our parents. And in this we accept all their flaws and repeat them in our lives too. Hence, when facing with failed relationships, it is important to check on this pattern of whether you’re following your parents.
2. Strong Systemic Beliefs:
There are unresolved issues in the system of both the partners. There will be challenges because of different belief systems. Some beliefs are more powerful which act as a hindrance in the growth of the relationship.
For example, if one of the partner’s systemic experience in numerous generations has been of being cheated by the opposite sex partner, then they will attract a partner who will cheat them. And unknowingly, it ends up into a failed relationship.
Hence, it is important to sit down calmly and first look at what are the stronger beliefs around relationships in your own system. Then, it is important to work towards releasing them.
3. Entangled with the Fate of Failed Relationships:
Another reason which I found while working on relationships is when the person is entangled with the heavy fate of someone in the system with failed relationships.
This entanglement does not allow you to create a new experience of being successful in your relationships. You tend to attract those partners who are not supportive energetically to create a new dynamic.
Rather, they are themselves helpless and the relationship does not grow. It ends in trauma, tears and grief. It is therefore necessary to do a constellation session to check the reason of failing relationships.
4. Partners had an abortion:
This is one of the biggest reasons for a relationship to be torn apart. When a couple goes through an abortion, they both silently feel guilty of killing their love. When one of them grieves, but the other one refuses to, they tend to fall apart. Or maybe both of them do not grieve for this child and don’t take any responsibility of their actions, then too the relationship falls apart.
Maybe, they stay together but the love within tends to fade away. The relationship is no longer the same as it was before. Something new arrives, but it becomes difficult to have the same old relationship.
Hence, when taking this action, it is important for both the partners to take complete responsibility of their actions and accepting that the relationship is no longer the same.
They need to accept the fate that the relationship is new with the burden of this aborted child that they need to carry.
So, here were some of the reasons I have uncovered while working with people around relationships. If you feel, there is a pattern you’re following then it is time to release it and allow yourself to create new experiences for yourself. Breaking the pattern and integrating what is excluded is the key to bring about a shift in your life.